MIND

MATTER

(Get it?  Mind OVER matter?)

I had a thought today.  Before it dies of loneliness I decided to share it with you.  

It began on facebook when my friend posted:

Rebecca Bentley Hall

‎... thanks to everyone for sending Birthday wishes to Carter. After saying prayers tonight, I was so tired I just stayed next to him for a little while. He said, "Mom?" I said, "Yes, Lord?" Then we cracked up laughing ...

My mind soared back to a time when I had a young son.  Kent was watching TV when the phone interrupted him.  He absent-mindedly answered, "Dear Heavenly Father.  . ."  Flabbergasted by his own words, he dropped the receiver and dove under the afghan, hiding.

Laughing, I rescued the receiver (and Kent) and heard my sister-in-law, Gwen, cracking up on the other end of the phone.  She finally said, "Well, that's top billing for me but at least his mind is in the right place."

Mind.  That was my thought today.  Minds do a lot of things.  Minds blank.  Minds concentrate.  Minds wander.  Minds flash.  Minds focus.  We speak our mind.  Sometimes we lose our minds! And others are out of their ever lovin' minds!  Rev. Randy Cox used to pray before preaching, "Lord, gird up the loins of our minds."  That's KJV talk for, "Pay attention!"

Rebecca and Kent misspoke but actually gave us a life lesson.  Out of our minds or hearts our mouths often speak.  God was on their minds.  I wonder if we can say the same day by day? It bothers me to hear God's name used in vain.  Even the abbreviated, popular acronym "OMG" often comes from Christians without thinking.  Last time I looked not using God's name in vain was still one of the ten commandments. They're commandments, not suggestions. 

Muse.  Minds muse or think.  Amusement literally means not  thinking.  While our minds need rest there's also the aspect of bringing those thoughts under control before spoken.  

I see blogs sites using that word mind.  A Piece of My Mind.  Ramblings of My Mind.  Folks share their thoughts.  Maybe someone should start one called Mind Your Manners or Mind Your Own Business. 

While OUR minds or thoughts need to focus on God, the mind-blower is that we are on God's mind.  His thoughts are daily on us.  The omniscient (all knowing) God of the universe thinks about me, knows my name, plans good for me every day.

How can I NOT center my thoughts, my prayers, my MIND on Him?  Taking my cue from Kent and Rebecca, all I can and should say is

Dear Heavenly Father, yes, Lord.

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING

(This is my last rerun blog.  Beginning tomorrow I'll post a new one every Friday.  If you care to be on my email weekly notice list just contact me at kathyhenderson47@gmail.com.)

Technology is illogical. At least to me it is! Makes no sense most of the time. I’m thankful God put some geeks in my life. Doug’s a beaver who reads the manual and follows the rules ver batim.

I’m admittedly an otter, a button pusher. I tend to see technology as a party waiting to happen. Let me give you four real life examples.

#1. Years ago when car doors first came out with push button locks, I got myself in trouble. Mary Jo Cox, our pastor’s wife, went on visitation with me one day across town. Now in Raleigh back then, that meant a good 20 minute drive, one way. We actually went to the home of a Hindu lady and she even showed us her altar. 


When we left, I discovered I’d locked my keys in the Buick.

“May I please use your phone to call my husband?” The lady graciously let us back in, then we told her we’d wait by the car.

“Jo, Doug was in a staff meeting with your husband. I don’t think either of them are very happy about this interruption or coming to our rescue.”

We chatted and waited about 15 minutes, leaning on the car. I have no idea what possessed her to do this but she turned and tried the back door. It opened! We gasped in unison. I ran straight to it, pushed down the lock button and slammed the door shut again.

“Kathy! What are you doing? You just locked us out again!”

“I’m making Doug’s trip worthwhile, Mary Jo! And don’t you dare tell him.”

This was back before cell phones. She kept my secret. He wasn’t thrilled about spending 45 minutes of his morning helping us. Imagine how much less thrilled he’d have been knowing we really didn’t need him.

Several years later I confessed my ‘Page 2: the rest of the story.’ By then he could laugh about it. Humor is all about timing.

#2. Another evening we were out shopping with friends, Jerry and Pauline Padgett.

The men headed to hardware and we agreed to meet back at checkout. We finished before them and waited awhile then decided to have some fun...using store technology, the intercom system.

"Excuse me, ma'am, would you please page Dougie and Jerry? Tell them their mommies are waiting."

The nice lady obliged us as we stifled giggles, thinking how fun it was to embarrass them. Suddenly around the corner came a shopping cart flying toward us with one grown man IN it, the other barreling it into turbo. Both men yelling, "Mom-mmmmmyyyy! Mom-mmmmmyyyyy!"

Tables turned.

Might I add that Doug’s Master’s degree in Church Music and Jerry’s retired Naval Commander status, as an engineer and Annapolis grad, carry a great deal of dignity and respect? Well, not at that precise moment.

#3. More recently at Walmart the technology again backfired on me.

I saw a man in a faded T shirt and worn blue jeans crouch behind a necktie rack. He duck walked around an aisle, peeking as he maneuvered. Obviously he tried desperately not to be seen.

But I saw him.

Hurrying to find a worker, I breathlessly reported, “There’s a man in men’s wear. I think he might be shoplifting or something. He’s hiding.”

“What’s he wearing?” she whispered.

She was taking me quite seriously. It’s wonderful to be part of the Good Guys’ Team and help save the world. She asked me to quietly take her to him. We skulked around until I spotted him and pointed silently.

Placing her finger to her lips, she shushed me and ushered me away from him. Probably trying to protect me.

Then she softly spoke, “He’s one of Walmart’s employees. He's watching someone who may be shoplifting. We have them on surveillance.”

“But he looks so plain, just normal…”

Oh. I get it. Duh.

Go ahead, lady, USE your fancy technology…see if I ever try to help again. How embarrassing.

#4. Another day at Walmart Doug and I were shopping. (All roads go to Walmart. As does a big chunk of our paycheck.) We’d just gotten a new car and our first key fob.

“It’s very easy, Kathy,” Doug demonstrated on my fob.

"Nothing can go wrong, Honey." I hate when someone says that because it guarantees something will.

Dividing the list, we decided to meet back at the car when done. As I left the store, I spotted him walking about 15 cars ahead of me, almost to ours. He pulled out his shiny new fob and pressed Unlock.

I immediately pulled out mine and pressed Horn.

He had no idea I was behind him.

HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK!

Startled, he looked again at his fob and pressed Horn to stop. It did.

I waited about 3 seconds and hit my horn button again.

HONK! HONK! HONK!

 
He hit stop on his about three times.  Real hard.
Once more I hit the horn but I think my laughter was louder. He spun around, spotted me and I could see his bewildered face trying to unravel the last 30 seconds.

Ain’t technology fun?

Until tomorrow with a shiny, brand new blog.

Blessings!


Kathy

THE PATH HOME

(I first posted this blog almost 7 months ago, just moments after the death of my big brother, Bert.  I still can't read it or hear the song at the end without tears.  For us.  Not him.)

"Just down yonder!  Stay on the path, Kathy!  We're almost there!" Grandma Tippett called over her shoulder as she led the way.  Doug and I dutifully traipsed behind her through the cornfield.

"There it is!" she beamed.  "Our first house and your daddy was born in that front bedroom, Kathy!"  The rusty tin roof beckoned us to come sit under its shade.

Doug hoisted his camera and began shooting as Grandma and I stepped onto the rickety porch and peered through foggy windows into the dusty rooms.  We heard him groan and looked back to see him ripping a plank from the house. 

"That's old lighter wood, Doug," Grandma explained.  He smiled knowingly.  My understanding of that term came about a week later.

My husband is a man of many talents and interests.  His photography, painting and woodworking dovetailed to create one of Daddy's most prized gifts, a painting of his birthplace.

Once the canvas was complete Doug took the lighter wood to his shop.  "I'm making the frame from the actual house siding."  A few minutes later I looked out my kitchen window to see smoke billowing from his shop.

I rushed out to save Doug from the fire, only to find it was that hard wood plank stressing his table saw, filling the room with smoke.  


"Feel it, Kathy," he offered as he handed me the wood.  I touched the smooth cut he'd just made.  It was warm and hard as marble.  NOW I understood what the term lighter wood meant.  The old heart-of-the-tree wood was petrified.

 

Daddy and Grandma are probably on their homeplace front porch even now in a new home "where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt."  


No doubt they welcomed Bert home as he entered glory just moments ago.  My big brother, Bert. . .firstborn of a firstborn. . .in heaven because God gave His "only begotten Son."

Grandma on her old front porch reminiscing 

"I'm staying on the path, Grandma!  Tell Daddy and Bert we're coming home!  One day. . .we're all coming home!"

Bert, leading the way home, with his firstborn, Brian, following his Dad's footsteps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XQaaRR_NjQ&feature=related

Doug's Paintings

Still life in my piano studio 

Seascape hangs in our bedroom.
I picture Peter walking on water here when I need a FAITH lift!

Whether life today finds you at peace or in a storm, the only path Home is Jesus.

Hope to see you there one day,

Kathy

Bert wrote a 2-part blog for me over a year ago, sharing lessons he learned from cancer.  You may find his perspective an encouragement.

http://kathyhenderson.blogspot.com/2009/09/bert-my-big-brother-shares-his-recent.html

http://kathyhenderson.blogspot.com/2009/09/ten-things-cancer-has-shown-me-by-bert.html

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FRIENDS

Friendship Part 1

(When this blog ran a year and a half ago it drew many emails and comments.  It seemed to be a common thread among hearts.  Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section at the end.  Friendship Part 2 is below it.)

It was a dark and stormy night. It really was. Not just a cheesy beginning to pulp fiction but our real life.

Our younger daughter, Katy, taught at a Christian school, her own alma mater, in NC. Well, not the last few days. A bad flu bug held her hostage, alone in her apartment, trying to feel better. Without Mama and chicken soup, however, her fever crept up.

Then the weatherman announced, "...big snow storm coming...stock up on supplies...power failures expected..."

That storm was roaring towards my baby, due to hit in four hours. These were Katy's post-college and pre-marriage years. She lived three hours away from us. Now anyone who knows me realizes I'm not an overly protective mother. At times I was probably better at giving them wings than roots. Their independence was my goal and I'd worked myself out of a job. (Doug and I actually love the empty nest but don't tell the kids. They think we miss them!)

But this night was different. She was very sick. Quite alone. This was a big storm and she had no supplies stocked up. Neither she nor her medicine was working!

I picked up the phone, dialed from memory a Greenville number, and heard the familiar voice, "Hello?"

"Phyllis! I'm so glad I reached you." I told her the scenario. Within moments she and Bobby went to Katy's, packed a few belongings for her, bundled her in a blanket and headed for I-95 S to meet me. My baby needed Mama and home.

In sync I grabbed a heavy coat and Doug excused me from choir practice with his blessings and prayers. I headed up I-95 N, to meet them at Cracker Barrel in Smithfield. Time was crucial to beat this storm. Rescuing her by myself before the storm hit was impossible. But friends meeting me halfway cut that travel time to one and a half hours. If our timing went perfectly, we should all be safely home in three hours, one hour before the storm.

By 8:00 PM Katy slept in my back seat heading toward SC and chicken soup. We had smoothly passed the baton (Katy) and finished the marathon just ahead of the storm.

Do you have a friend you'd call in the middle of the night? I call without hesitation and mine come without hesitation.

That was not the only time I've called on our dear friends during storms of life. They come. They love. Regardless. They're selfless. And they know I'd do the same for them.

I say I married the best man at our wedding and Doug smiles humbly. Actually, Bobby filled the role as our best man. After the ceremony we all stood way too long in the receiving line, achy smiles pasted in place. Doug slipped aside to take a break, sitting on a nearby piano bench. Not realizing his absence, I turned to introduce a relative to my new husband, "This is Doug." But there stood Bobby, grinning.

He stood UP at the wedding.

He stood IN at the reception.

They've stood BY us for 45 years!

Phyllis and Bobby (our college years)

Bobby at our wedding and our receiving line

Doug takes a break

I'm rich.

Recently I heard that women need 6 types of friends:

1. Childhood

2. New

3. Workout

4. Spiritual

5. Younger

6. Your partner's friend

While I have most on that list, some rolled into one, I'd add that we need one more type friend, a middle-of-the-night friend. A stormy weather friend.

I've thought about what it took in life to have a Phyllis. I can only share what glues us together:

* a shared history

* honesty, being real, transparent (about our good and bad stuff)

* tears and laughter

* a deep spiritual connection

* respect for similar values

* loving and liking each other

* a willingness to give to each other, even when inconvenient or unscheduled

* nurturing our time together, valuing it, not rushing through, but savoring it (Phyllis and I still set aside 1-3 hours a week just to catch up. By the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Phyl!)

Your list may be different but that's mine. As I read it, I think it fits other women God's placed in my life like Jan Banks and Trudy Miles. I could tell similar stories of shared memories with them--like climbing into a tornado shelter or up into a church belfry, tears of joy over the surprise announcement of a pregnancy, get-aways to Mayberry RDF (Mt. Airy) or bed and breakfasts. But those are other blogs. Life shared with friends.

My new friends, younger friends, workout friends are wonderful and important in my life too. I couldn't handle five days a week at Curves without them! One is also a writer for a local newspaper and she encourages my writing. Thanks, Kaye.

But my cherished friends are my middle-of-the-night ones.

Life bombards us with bad news--economic crises, financial failure, job losses, foreclosures, war, earthquakes, Conan and Leno feuding! But friends remain. Real friends. True friends. Invest in them. Invest your time, energy, love, trust and respect.

"Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...

Love never fails...

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE."

I Cor. 13: 4-8, 13.

I love this passage from The Message too:

"Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Our plans may be interrupted by storms, but God's never are. He makes available both His love and the love of friends. They help us weather those dark and stormy nights of life.

Windblown but still sailing,

Kathy

HOW TO GET RICH

(Friendship Part 2)

First posted Feb. '09

"Mama! Are we RICH?" My little Kimberly's big brown eyes widened as she watched me open the large bag of hand-me-downs from a friend.

"What?"

Pointing to the second bag, she declared, "Cause we got TWO bags of hand-me-downs this time! And stickers!"

Laughing, I agreed, "Yes, Baby, we're rich. Rich in friends."

If you start indoctrinating them young enough, PKs tend to think used clothes are couture and left-overs are a basic food group.

If I knew how to make money by investing in the stock market, I'd tell you how. In a seminar. Then I'd make more money.

What I do know from experience is how to be rich in friends. Yet I also know what loneliness is. I think God let me experience that a few years ago for several reasons. So this and last week's blogs on friendship are just me, one beggar on the road of life, sharing bread with another.

About 12 years ago my pastor, Mike, asked me, "So, Kathy, now that you're settled in, how do you like it here in Florence?"

"Do you want a politically correct answer or the truth?"

"The truth."

"Dr. Mike, I've never been lonely in my life until coming here. I find the time at church allows for us to be friendly but not friends."

We talked about it and eventually launched a new ministry. Ministries are often born from our lives' hard places. I began a supperclub for the purpose of fellowship. We still meet monthly for a good meal in a home setting. It's open to any adult at church who cares to join.

Supperclub 4th of July

C.S. Lewis said, "Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, how you learn." Now I recognize loneliness better in others and I learned how to build new friendships. (They differ from the middle-of-the-night friends I shared with you last week.)

"I went outside to find a friend

And could not find one there.

I went outside to be a friend

And friends were everywhere."

* Initiate. Some people just wait on others to plan time together. I find when I pick up the phone with, "Hey! You want to go out for lunch Friday?" people are eager.

* Meet a need. When someone needs a meal, a card, a sympathetic ear, or a casserole, do it. Folks celebrating a baby's birth or hurting from a family death or illness have real needs. Meeting those needs may forge friendship. Foxhole friends can be enduring and endearing. When someone is down, reach out and lift!

"A friend is the first one in the door

when the rest of the world walks out."

* Give. Give more than you take. Be the first to give. Don't keep score. I try to do this in business as well. Unselfishness should be our hallmark in social or business circles. Friends can be found in both arenas.

* Listen. Listen more than you talk as you get to know someone. You learn when you listen. People appreciate a soft shoulder and good ear rather than someone unloading on them too early in the relationship. Bank some deposits before making withdrawals.

"Folks don't care how much you know,

until they know how much you care."

* Trust God. That sounds strange but as my faith in Him grows, I'm better able to trust others. Not a Pollyanna launch into befriending the world! But I find lonely people may have been hurt, betrayed or abandoned to the point that they dare not risk their heart again. As God fills that hole in their heart, heals the hurt with His grace, forgiveness and love, they can then give grace, forgiveness and love to others. A better vertical relationship with God builds good horizontal ones with people.

Someone recently said, "My experience lately has been that loneliness is a longing for God and not for other people. Who hasn't been lonely in a crowded room? It is only God that can make that deepest yearning go away."

* Don't require too much from a new friend. There are friends in life for a season or a reason. No one person can meet all your needs. The load breaks down any relationship, especially fragile, new ones. Let God do that work in you first, then your dependence on Him frees you up. The goal is not to be independent...that leads back to isolation and loneliness. But you can choose then to be interdependent. We were created for community. Lone Rangers are easily picked off!

Everybody needs a Tonto!

* Accept without demanding change. We all want acceptance, just as God gives to us. Yet sometimes even with our spouses, we don't accept them as they are but try to change them. That's His job! Learn to love variety in friends and flowers. Everyone's not like you and no two people on earth agree on everything. Those differences grow you, open you to new things and ideas. I'm sure glad my friends accept my weirdness.

* Be yourself. Be real, open and honest and the rapport grows naturally. Some folks try too hard to impress or cling to you. They'll be whatever they think you want. That clinginess smothers friendship. Until one is comfortable with herself, she'll find true friendships hard to build. All relationships need a foundation of honesty or they eventually crumble.

Dr. Seuss advises, "Be who you are because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Smart man! Bet he had lots of friends!

So there you have my get-rich scheme. Invest in your friends and you'll be enriched for a lifetime!

Blessings!
Kathy

YOUNG'UN! THAT'S NOT A SINK!

Recently at supperclub I heard raucous guffawing coming from the table in the next room. Hating to miss a good laugh, I ambled in. Several ladies were wiping away tears and the story-teller backed it up to repeat his yarn for me.

Harry grinned, "As a kid I was playing in the bathtub when Mama walked in and started hollerin' at me, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT THING?' So I stopped blowing bubbles, pulled the rubber hose outta my mouth and tried to explain how I was playing Sea Hunt and I was Lloyd Bridges.

'Mama, that red rubber bottle hanging up there is my scuba tank, the tube coming down here, my leads to my regulator and I'm just blowing into my mouth gear here.'

She looked sick, snatched away my pretend equipment with, 'Harry! Never put that in your mouth again! It's NOT scuba equipment!'

It was years later before I realized what it was. But to a kid, it all looked like great scuba gear."

Harry, also a military brat, grew up to become a certified scuba diver, even though he cut his teeth on humble beginnings.

I laughed, "Harry, you remind me of my own adventure when I was about five or six years old."

They egged me on, not that I needed it.

"Daddy was in the Navy and had the duty, which means he spent the night on his ship in port. So the family sometimes joined him for supper and a movie on board.

I needed to use the bathroom. They call it the head. There was no ladies' head so Dad cleared out the men's and guarded the door for me.

I rejoined him and we started back to his quarters as I chattered, 'That was a weird sink, Daddy. That long one on the wall had water running down it and I never could turn it on and off. I just ran my hands up and down it to get 'em wet. But that hard soap in the little, wire basket hanging there wouldn't lather either.'

Suddenly Daddy deciphered my words. He stopped so abruptly I nearly plowed into him. We about-faced back to the restroom. He flung open the door again, pointed to my funny-looking long sink and declared, 'YOUNG'UN! THAT IS NOT A SINK!'

Then pointing to another wall behind me, 'THAT's a sink!'

Oh. I'd not even seen that.

He held both my hands together with his long fingers gripped firmly around my little wrists. He hoisted me as we marched to the men's head sink, my feet air-marching over the deck. Then he handed me a bar of soap, commanding, 'Now, Kathy, you wash again and scrub hard all the way up to your elbows!' He inspected my every move until I passed.

It was years later before I realized what a urinal was. Little girls don't have much occasion for seeing the interior of men's rooms!"

However, I was married while traveling late one night when we stopped for gas. I awoke and stumbled to the bathroom while Doug filled the car. As I flushed the toilet, I spotted a sign on the wall over the tank:

WE AIM TO PLEASE!

YOU AIM, TOO, PLEASE!

I thought out loud, "That doesn't make any sense, unless you're in a men's room. . ."

YOU'RE IN A MEN'S ROOM!

I quickly remounted, lifting my feet. I tried to become invisible in my stall, until the MEN in the other stalls left!

Recently I found this new and improved version of the sign:

I'm a slow learner but gradually becoming an expert on the obvious!

Still flushing and blushing,

Kathy