Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Friendship Part 1
(When this blog ran a year and a half ago it drew many emails and comments.  It seemed to be a common thread among hearts.  Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section at the end.  Friendship Part 2 is below it.)

It was a dark and stormy night. It really was. Not just a cheesy beginning to pulp fiction but our real life.

Our younger daughter, Katy, taught at a Christian school, her own alma mater, in NC. Well, not the last few days. A bad flu bug held her hostage, alone in her apartment, trying to feel better. Without Mama and chicken soup, however, her fever crept up.

Then the weatherman announced, "...big snow storm coming...stock up on supplies...power failures expected..."

That storm was roaring towards my baby, due to hit in four hours. These were Katy's post-college and pre-marriage years. She lived three hours away from us. Now anyone who knows me realizes I'm not an overly protective mother. At times I was probably better at giving them wings than roots. Their independence was my goal and I'd worked myself out of a job. (Doug and I actually love the empty nest but don't tell the kids. They think we miss them!)

But this night was different. She was very sick. Quite alone. This was a big storm and she had no supplies stocked up. Neither she nor her medicine was working!

I picked up the phone, dialed from memory a Greenville number, and heard the familiar voice, "Hello?"

"Phyllis! I'm so glad I reached you." I told her the scenario. Within moments she and Bobby went to Katy's, packed a few belongings for her, bundled her in a blanket and headed for I-95 S to meet me. My baby needed Mama and home.

In sync I grabbed a heavy coat and Doug excused me from choir practice with his blessings and prayers. I headed up I-95 N, to meet them at Cracker Barrel in Smithfield. Time was crucial to beat this storm. Rescuing her by myself before the storm hit was impossible. But friends meeting me halfway cut that travel time to one and a half hours. If our timing went perfectly, we should all be safely home in three hours, one hour before the storm.

By 8:00 PM Katy slept in my back seat heading toward SC and chicken soup. We had smoothly passed the baton (Katy) and finished the marathon just ahead of the storm.

Do you have a friend you'd call in the middle of the night? I call without hesitation and mine come without hesitation.
That was not the only time I've called on our dear friends during storms of life. They come. They love. Regardless. They're selfless. And they know I'd do the same for them.

I say I married the best man at our wedding and Doug smiles humbly. Actually, Bobby filled the role as our best man. After the ceremony we all stood way too long in the receiving line, achy smiles pasted in place. Doug slipped aside to take a break, sitting on a nearby piano bench. Not realizing his absence, I turned to introduce a relative to my new husband, "This is Doug." But there stood Bobby, grinning.

He stood UP at the wedding.
He stood IN at the reception.
They've stood BY us for 45 years!
Phyllis and Bobby (our college years)
Bobby at our wedding and our receiving line

Doug takes a break

I'm rich.

Recently I heard that women need 6 types of friends:
1. Childhood
2. New
3. Workout
4. Spiritual
5. Younger
6. Your partner's friend

While I have most on that list, some rolled into one, I'd add that we need one more type friend, a middle-of-the-night friend. A stormy weather friend.

I've thought about what it took in life to have a Phyllis. I can only share what glues us together:

* a shared history
* honesty, being real, transparent (about our good and bad stuff)
* tears and laughter
* a deep spiritual connection
* respect for similar values
* loving and liking each other
* a willingness to give to each other, even when inconvenient or unscheduled
* nurturing our time together, valuing it, not rushing through, but savoring it (Phyllis and I still set aside 1-3 hours a week just to catch up. By the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Phyl!)

Your list may be different but that's mine. As I read it, I think it fits other women God's placed in my life like Jan Banks and Trudy Miles. I could tell similar stories of shared memories with them--like climbing into a tornado shelter or up into a church belfry, tears of joy over the surprise announcement of a pregnancy, get-aways to Mayberry RDF (Mt. Airy) or bed and breakfasts. But those are other blogs. Life shared with friends.

My new friends, younger friends, workout friends are wonderful and important in my life too. I couldn't handle five days a week at Curves without them! One is also a writer for a local newspaper and she encourages my writing. Thanks, Kaye.

But my cherished friends are my middle-of-the-night ones.

Life bombards us with bad news--economic crises, financial failure, job losses, foreclosures, war, earthquakes, Conan and Leno feuding! But friends remain. Real friends. True friends. Invest in them. Invest your time, energy, love, trust and respect.

"Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...
Love never fails...
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE."
I Cor. 13: 4-8, 13.

I love this passage from The Message too:

"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Our plans may be interrupted by storms, but God's never are. He makes available both His love and the love of friends. They help us weather those dark and stormy nights of life.

Windblown but still sailing,


  1. "A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you've been, accepts who you've become, and still gently invites you to grow with them."

    One of the things I came to love about being a Navy brat is all the friends we made each time we moved--the hard part was leaving them.


  2. How awesome! You capture the true meaning of friends and friendship! And I love the category "middle of the night friends"! Everyone needs those type of friends! Great pictures too by the way!!

  3. Your sweet Mama just read it here (as a tribute to her birthday.) Then she called your Daddy who read it, asked for me and made me cry. I thought it would be smart-mouth Bobby. But sweet Bobby Doyle said, "Kathy, I'd do it all again." AWWWWW... That's what friends are for! (Hey, that'd be a good song.)

  4. He can be sweet when he wants to be. It doesn't happen very often, but we enjoy the few times he lets that sweetness shine through! I know they've always cherished your friendship and I'm so glad you all live so close now! Truth be known, sweet Bobby probably had a tear in his eye when reading this!

  5. Me again. If you get this before Mom leaves, would you let her see our blog? www.marshburns.blogspot.com I dont't think she's ever seen it.Thanks!!

  6. A friend loveth at all times! Even at 3 in the morning!

    I know that you're that "middle-of-the-night" friend for many people. You are the perfect person to write about such friendship!

  7. Thank you, Christine. I actually do 3 AM better than 6 AM. Maybe it's not that I'm so much a middle-of-the-night friend as just an old, night owl!

    Love you!
    Crazy Aunt Kathy

  8. Memories! What would I have done without you when we were young teens? And now? I love our "golden friendship!"


  9. Jan, I'm glad I'll never know my life without you! Our friendship is one my greatest blessings. You're a treasure to me!

  10. Friends call you "ijit," laugh with and at you, love your quirks, love your kids, "get" your sense of humor, work to connect across the miles, and make your feel cherished.