OCCUPUNTIONS

A friend of mine (who prefers to remain unnamed, unless he dares sign in under Comments) shared this hilarious pun romp with me. So I had to pass it along to you. Even added a few of my own at the end. Feel free to add your contributions under the Comments.

OCCUPATIONS

In my search for the perfect career, I’ve tried nearly all of them:

As a dairy farmer, in spite of a firm grip of the fundamentals, I was an udder failure.

Working in a muffler factory was too exhausting.

I tried working as a barber, but my first customer was a truly hair-raising experience, and I just couldn't cut it.

So then I decided to be a chef, figuring it would add a little spice to my life, but it took too much thyme.

I used to be a deli worker, but I couldn't cut the mustard.

My career as a musician wasn't noteworthy.

I tried life as a dentist, but I couldn't stand living hand-to-mouth.

Trying my hand as an orthodontist, I learned that I didn’t know how to brace myself properly.

I started training to be an acupuncturist, but they needled me too much.

Life as a math teacher had too many problems, and just didn’t add up.

I wanted to be a teacher, but they told me I had no class.

I tried to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

I wanted to be a postman, but I got sacked.

I wanted to drive a train, but that idea got derailed.

I tried to be a gardener, but I just couldn't dig it.

I used to be a garbage man, but that job was a load of rubbish.

I used to be a plumber, but I nearly went round the bend, it was such a drain.

I thought about being an electrician, but the idea was too shocking.

I could have been a mortician, but that was a dead-end job.

Growing hay sounded like fun, but the grass was truly greener on the other side of the fence.

Professional juggling sounded interesting, but everything was always up in the air.

Bungee jumping was too much of a stretch.

My foray in to the exciting world of ditch digging was truly groundbreaking, but left me feeling stuck in a rut.

Working as a football place kicker didn’t work, as I was unclear on the goals.

I considered being a missionary but couldn't maintain the position.

And my own whacked contributions:

I thought about teaching but was unprincipaled.

Proctology was an open field but I couldn't quite put my finger on why I decided not to go into it.

Music didn't work because I had treble keeping a sharp staff in line.

Motherhood had rewards but was too laborious.

Veterinary school held promise but then the industry went to the dogs.

I clerked at a grocery store long enough to realize it wasn't my bag.

One summer I worked in a laundromat but it left me wrung out.

Bravely venturing into mountain climbing sounded fun but I couldn't get the hang of it.

I even played trumpet once with the band but blew it during performance.

Finally, I found myself in Victoria's Secret long enough to get my pink slip!

So I'm just staying home--your turn!

Kathy