Friday, October 4, 2013


The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
   - George Roberts

Wood burns faster when you cut it yourself.
   - Harrison Ford

As I hurtled through space one thought kept crossing my mind--every part of this rocket was built by the lowest bidder.
   - John Glen

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
   - Prince Phillip

Having more money doesn't make you happier.  I have $50 million but I'm just as happy as when I had $48 million.
   - Arnold Schwarzengger

After the chess game the king and the pawn go into the same box.
   - Italian proverb

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car does not.
   - Jeff Foxworthy

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
   - Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe that a person is innocent until proven broke.
   - Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer.  Kill a million and you're a conqueror.
   - Jean Rostand

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
   - Steve Martin
I have kleptomania but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
   - Robert Benchley

A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.
   - Steven Wright  

Do the right thing.  It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
   - Mark Twain

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   - Bertrand Russell

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