Friday, August 10, 2012


I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please?"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.

When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I  watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  "Hey!" I announced to the technician, "It's open!"  
His reply: "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS

We had to have the garage door repaired.  The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large enough motor" on the  opener. 
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

 He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a  1/4 horsepower." 

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. 

He said, "NO, it's  not!  Four is larger than two."         

We  haven't used Sears repair since.
My  daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk  a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, "You gave me too much money." 

I said, "Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went  to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. 

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, "We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing."

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.  
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local  township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't  think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore."

From  Kingman, KS


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. 
 She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. 

From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "
Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To  which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham, Alabama

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
 I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. 

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS    


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to downsizing, 
our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
 and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

How would you pronounce this child's name?


Leah?                NO
Lee - A?            NOPE
Lay - a?             NO
Lei?                   Guess Again. 

This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha." 

When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "The dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. 

I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN!

They walk among us. . .and they  VOTE!

After I planned the above blog, my friend, Genevieve Waddell, sent these so I had to expand a bit.  She began with her own experience.

*Ginny vs. Walmart produce:  
I told the worker that the watermelon I'd bought the day before was very bad, way overripe.  She seriously said, "Well, our policy is that you cannot return what you've already opened!" Kroger does though!
*One  day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"  

Someone looked up at the sky and  said, "Where?"
They walk among  us!  

*Traffic Camera:                                                    
A man was driving when he saw the
 flash of a traffic camera. 

He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.  Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more  slowly, but again the camera flashed. 

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth  time with the same result.  He did this a fifth time and was now
laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.   

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
They Walk Among Us!                          
*My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her  weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving.
They Walk Among Us!

*My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk. 
They Walk Among Us!
*While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said, "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They Walk Among Us!  


  1. Lisa Dickerson Pate wrote:

    Loved your very funny blog this week! :)