GRANNY'S PANTIES

 "Hey, kids, did I ever tell you about the time. . ."

Eyes roll, indicating I might be repeating my stories.  Again.   All mothers do. One time when I started one, Katy chirped, "Ohhhh, I haven't heard that one, Mama."

"Really?" I was encouraged.

"No. I lied, Mom. We've heard it many times."

But it didn't stop me.

Nor Doug. Recently he told one from his youth and Kent genuinely exclaimed, "Dad, I have NEVER heard that before! How could I have missed that? Great story!"

But since it's from his childhood, I'll let Doug tell it:

I can't remember at what point in our growing up as a seven children family I heard this story. But I do know it was one we retold over and over again, always out of earshot of Mom.

We lived next door, literally, to the church Dad pastored. He'd get up real early on Sunday mornings and go to his study at church. In order not to wake Mom, he'd dress as much as possible in the bathroom then just gather his wallet, keys and watch from the dresser on the way out.

On one of these mornings, he put on his suit and realized he didn't have a silk handkerchief to put in his front breast pocket. He kept them in the top dresser drawer. Unfortunately, that was also the drawer where mom kept her underwear. She was not a small woman, so when he slipped back into their dark bedroom, grabbed what he thought was a handkerchief. It felt right. He tucked the white handkerchief into his coat pocket then quietly left.

He had not thought of the handkerchief until he needed it to wipe his brow during his sermon. We lived in Florida at the time, where the weather was hot, and the church was not air-conditioned. Being quite lively in his preaching, he worked up a sweat. He was a hacker. He would preach a sentence and then catch his breath real quick, which sort of had a rhythm to it.

Granny knew how to wield a skillet!

It was while he was working up to a particular point that he decided to wipe his brow. He nonchalantly pulled the handkerchief from his pocket and did wipe his head, but began to notice that it seemed larger than usual. As he stood there in front of God and everybody, he grabbed the top of the waist band of Mom's underwear and pulled them to their full width. He was as shocked as the congregation.

I can't remember if he tried to finish the sermon after that, but he might as well have just bowed his head and prayed a benediction on the way out the door. Don't remember Mom's reaction either, but I'm sure it was rich.

No doubt he made sure he always put the handkerchief in the pocket the night before, or moved them entirely to another drawer.

Their granddaughter, our Kimberly,  found a new use for over-sized
Granny panties!  She actually won Hat Day at school with them and
an inflated rubber glove. Bet Granny's laughing from heaven.
 "Utterly ridiculous"