Friday, November 11, 2011


It's 11:11, 11.11.11.  This won't happen again for. . .um, 12 hours!

"Southerners can fix anything with duck tape or WD-40.  If it moves and it's not supposed to, use duct tape.  If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40." 
                                                   -Anita Renfroe, comedeinne

There are some things, however, you'll never hear a good, ol' southern boy say.  Such as:
  • When I retire I'm movin' north.
  • I'll take Shakespeare for 1,000, Alex.
  • Duct tape won't fix that.
  • We don't keep firearms in this house.
  • You can't feed that to a dog.
  • No kids in the back of the pick-up.  It's just not safe.
  • Wrestling is fake.
  • We're vegetarians.
  • Do you think my gut is too big?
  • I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
  • Honey, we don't need another dog.
  • Who cares who won the Civil War? 
  • Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  • I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
  • Trim the fat off that steak.
  • Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
  • The tires on that truck are too big.
  • Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  • I got it all on the C: DRIVE.
  • Unsweetened tea tastes better.
  • My fiance', Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
  • She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
  • Hey, here's an episode of Hee-Haw we haven't seen yet!
  • Those shorts oughta' be a little longer, Betty Lou.
  • I don't have a favorite college team.
  • Sure, Honey, we can watch your chick flick.  I'll catch the game on reruns.
  • We'll just pull over at that convenience store and ask for directions.
  • You guys.
  • I just love opera!
  • Checkmate.

Now don't take offense.  It takes a southerner to earn the right to joke about southerners.  My tongue is firmly planted in my cheek.  Yes, it's my tongue. . .not chewin' tobacco!

Granddaughter of 2 tobacco farmers,

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