"Southerners can fix anything with duck tape or WD-40. If it moves and it's not supposed to, use duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40."
-Anita Renfroe, comedeinne
There are some things, however, you'll never hear a good, ol' southern boy say. Such as:
- When I retire I'm movin' north.
- I'll take Shakespeare for 1,000, Alex.
- Duct tape won't fix that.
- We don't keep firearms in this house.
- You can't feed that to a dog.
- No kids in the back of the pick-up. It's just not safe.
- Wrestling is fake.
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my gut is too big?
- I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
- Honey, we don't need another dog.
- Who cares who won the Civil War?
- Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
- I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
- Trim the fat off that steak.
- Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
- The tires on that truck are too big.
- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
- I got it all on the C: DRIVE.
- Unsweetened tea tastes better.
- My fiance', Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
- She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
- Hey, here's an episode of Hee-Haw we haven't seen yet!
- Those shorts oughta' be a little longer, Betty Lou.
- I don't have a favorite college team.
- Sure, Honey, we can watch your chick flick. I'll catch the game on reruns.
- We'll just pull over at that convenience store and ask for directions.
- You guys.
- I just love opera!
Now don't take offense. It takes a southerner to earn the right to joke about southerners. My tongue is firmly planted in my cheek. Yes, it's my tongue. . .not chewin' tobacco!
Granddaughter of 2 tobacco farmers,