DUMBER THAN A ROCK

There are tests for everything so when I saw this one, I thought, "I'm an expert on the obvious!"  So I took it.  I'll tell you how I did at the end.  Try it! No cheating.


You only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass. 

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? 

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below ....

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8 ) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ? Orange (of course) 

I promised to tell you how I did so I simply refer you to the title of this blog.  Yep. That's me! I did know #8 because I see purple finches daily as they perch on our bird feeder.

I wish I was as smart as I sometimes think I am.  But I'm not.  Here's the verification.

I'M LOST!

"Kathy, you've got to get to the $5 sale at the hospital!  They have jewelry, scarves, accessories all for one price," implored Patsy at her piano lesson.

So I obeyed my friend.  Snapped up some real bargains and gifts.  Then it happened.  As I left the hospital cafeteria I turned left down the long hallway.  I should have turned right. Our hospital is a series of tall buildings connected by curving hallways.  The complex stretches over several blocks.  (See below.) When I finally exited, I was on the backside and blocks away from my car in one of many parking lots.  I could see the tower but could not seem to get to it. Locked doors blocked me.  I spotted a guard in his security car and thought about asking him for help. 

I started at the far right building and wound up at the far left one.

This was not the first time I'd wandered around McCleod Hospital trying to find my Buick in the maize of parking lots.  A few years back a kind guard actually drove me around til we found it! This second time I eventually asked a sweet nurse for help with a simple admission, "I'm lost." She hit the keypad with secret numbers and the door opened!  Then she escorted me to the main lobby with a smile. I almost cried.

Usually I have a great sense of direction, especially driving.  But inside large buildings, even unfamiliar malls, I can get turned around and navigate backwards.  Ever come out of a store and forget if you were going left or right?  Me too.  One wrong turn and I'm lost!  It's a bad feeling.

~     ~     ~

Even worse is being lost as a child.  It happened to me when I was about 8 years old in Sears and Roebuck in downtown Norfolk, VA.  One minute I was with my parents, the next. . .LOST! I found myself in a parking lot even back then searching for our family car. Yes, it was a Buick too.  Suddenly I spotted two familiar faces from our church.  They took me back into the store and found my folks.  I almost cried.

But the absolute worst experience was losing our daughter, Kimberly, maybe 5 or 6 years old at the N.C state fair! Talk about panic!  I did cry.  But that's another whole blog story.

Suffice it to say that my getting lost usually means humbly admitting it and asking someone for help. Men are teased about not asking for directions but it can be tough for anyone.  Moses might not have wandered for 40 years had he asked for directions!

God understands lost people.  His promise in Psalm 32:8 is one I cling to, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life."

Lost?  Confused?  Uncertain?  Ask for help.  Even the Lone Ranger was not alone, Kimosabi!

MAN-QUOTES TO LIVE BY

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

   - George Roberts

Wood burns faster when you cut it yourself.

   - Harrison Ford

As I hurtled through space one thought kept crossing my mind--every part of this rocket was built by the lowest bidder.

   - John Glen

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

   - Prince Phillip

Having more money doesn't make you happier.  I have $50 million but I'm just as happy as when I had $48 million.

   - Arnold Schwarzengger

After the chess game the king and the pawn go into the same box.

   - Italian proverb

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car does not.

   - Jeff Foxworthy

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.

   - Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe that a person is innocent until proven broke.

   - Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer.  Kill a million and you're a conqueror.

   - Jean Rostand

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

   - Steve Martin

                                                                                             
I have kleptomania but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

   - Robert Benchley

A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.

   - Steven Wright  

Do the right thing.  It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

   - Mark Twain

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown

is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

   - Bertrand Russell

VERIFY YOUR BABY-BOOMERNESS

 

Take this 10 question quiz to verify your baby boomerness!

1. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it.  For what was it used?

                                                        
                                                        A. Capture lightening bugs.
  B. To sprinkle clothes before      ironing.       
  C. Large salt shaker




2. Before inline skates how did you keep roller skates on your shoes?
A. With clamps tightened by a skate key.
B. Woven straps that crossed the foot.
C. Long pieces of twine.

3. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's and 1950's?
A. Smallpox
B. Aids
C. Polio

4. What was a Duck-and-Cover drill?
A. Part of the game Hide-and-Seek.
B. What you did when your mom called you to do chores.
C. Hiding under your desk and covering your head in a bomb drill.

5. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pony?
A. Old Blue
B. Paint
C. Macaroni

6. What was the name of the Indian princess on The Howdy Doody Show?



A. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
B. Princess Sacajawea
C. Princess Moonshadow

7. What was the name of Running Bear's Indian maiden?
A. Rainfall
B. White Dove
C. Fawn

8. Who was the miner who stood 6'6 and weighed 245?
A. Tremendous Tom
B. Big John
C. Coal Boss


9. Line from 77 Sunset Strip song, "Kookie, Kookie, lend me your. . ."
A. car
B. shades
C. comb

10. Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier, "killed him a bar when he was only. . ."
A. 3
B. 6
C. 9

Scroll down for answers.




1. B
2. A
3. C
4. C
5. C
6. A
7. B
8. B
9. C
10. A

GOD SPEAKS ON BILLBOARDS

Billboards across America display some of these.  They were designed in Singapore for a church. The photography is spectacular.  Special thanks to my friend and fellow writer, Judy Combs, for sharing these with me.

BLOND JOKES FOR MEN

Last week's pro-men blog deserves a counterpoint this week. We all hear the blond jokes aimed at women.  So here are some directed at men! (Ask your wife to explain them, guys.)

Blond Men Jokes

A friend told the blond man, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blond man said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." 

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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. 

One asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says, "We'll lie and say we found only two." 

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A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said, "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

The blond man smirked, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday." 

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A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?" 

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do.  It's for dry hair, and I just wet mine." 

------------------------------ 

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope, "DO NOT BEND." 

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" 

------------------------------------

A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "Sir, that's your air freshener swinging about!" 

------------------------------------

A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. 

His wife says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. 

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here boy!" he replies. 

------------------------------------

A blond man is in jail. A guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blond replies.

"It should be around your neck," says the guard.

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe." 

------------------------------------

(This one actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blond man, "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blond man replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

MEN AND WOMEN

That's quite a nebulous blog title.  I thought about Men vs. Women but that theme's overdone already and I really don't subscribe to it.  

Yes, we're quite different by our Designer's design.  My revelation came when I realized Doug is not my enemy and our contrasts actually make us both better. The knots in his head fit the holes in mine!

Yet the pop song belts out the common belief that It's a Man's World.  For fun, I'll slide my soapbox over to that side and spout a few reasons supporting that view.

Why men are happier:

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can become President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park.  Actually you can wear no t-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too dirty.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.


Wedding dress $5,000.  Tux rental $100.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face.

You can play with toys all your life.


Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.


You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can do your nails with a pocket knife. 



You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.


You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes!

Men. . .amazing!

One day I'll have to mount my soapbox and list why I love being a woman!  One day.