1. "He taught me housekeeping. When I divorce, I keep the house." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
2. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it.
3. "Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go." (Oscar Wilde)
4. Kittens play with yarn. They bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit! Get this away from me!"
5. Why does someone believe when you say there are four billion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is wet?
6. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
7. "You can always count on Americans to do the right thing--after they've tried everything else." (Winston Churchill)
8. "I belong to no organized party. I'm a Democrat." (Will Rogers)
9. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." (Albert Einstein)
10. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.