Why should Noah Webster's name be the one associated with the dictionary? If there were a Kathy Henderson version, it might read like this:
adult--a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
beauty parlor--a place where women curl up and dye
chickens--the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
committee--a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
dust--mud with the juice squeezed out. http://kathyhenderson.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-philosophy-on-dust.html
ego--someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
inflation--cutting money in half, without damaging the paper.
mosquito--an insect that makes you like flies better.
raisin--a grape with a sunburn.
secret--something you tell one person at a time.
skeleton--a bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
toothache--the pain that drives you to extraction.
tomorrow--one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
yawn--an honest opinion, openly expressed.
wrinkles--something other people have similar to my character lines.
Kathyisms and Webster aside, rednecks have their own daffynitions for words too. Here's their version of medical terms.
artery--the study of paintings.
bacteria--back door to the cafeteria.
barium--what doctors so when patients die.
benign--what you be after you be eight.
Caesarean section--a neighborhood in Rome.
cat scan--searching for kitty.
cauterize--made eye contact with her.
colic--a sheep dog.
coma--a punctuation mark.
dilate--to live long.
enema--not a friend.
fester--quicker than someone else.
fibula--a small lie,
impotent--distinguished, well known.
labor pain--getting hurt at work.
medical staff--a doctor's cane.
morbid--a higher offer.
nitrates--rates of pay for working night, usually higher than day.
node--I knew it!
outpatient--a person who has fainted.
pelvis--second cousin to Elvis.
post operative--a letter carrier.
recovery room--place to do upholstery.
rectum--nearly killed him.
tablet--a small table.
terminal illness--getting sick at the airport.
tumor--one plus one more.
urine--opposite of you're out.