I've asked Kermit to be my guest today and share a life lesson with you. But first let me vent a bit!
As an optimistic realist, I seldom gripe. But like anyone, I have my pet peeves. Some are petty, others may be serious. Today's soapbox is brought to you by the former...petty, not Richard.
Gripers! I hear so much complaining but it seems to flow from the same mouths in a continuous stream, no matter the day or occasion.
"How are you today, Mrs. Thompson?" I insincerely ask after church.
"Well, my colon's impacted again, " (imagine a nasal whine) "...and my diverticulitis is acking up 'cause I ate some corn..." she sincerely drones.
Did I ask for an organ recital? I smile my best there-there look. It seems to feed the flow as she moves from one body organ to another, moaning her way through.
So the next Sunday, I try another approach. I'll plant positive, subliminal messages in my greeting this time. "Good morning, Mrs. Thompson!" I bubble. "You look wonderful in those pretty colors! Spring must really be agreeing with you!" I smile. Too big. Too hopeful.
The familiar, whiny drone begins, "Not really. Springtime is turrible on my allergies. Then the drainage gives me insomnia so I'm turd as well." I agree. Silently.
What I WANT to say, but can't, except here, is:
* Call 1-800-WAH-WAAH.
* Would you like some WHINE with those cheese and crackers?
* Yadda, yadda, yadda...
* Do I LOOK like I care?
* You've mistaken me for someone who gives a rip!
* Your husband just moved to the top of my prayer list.
* Do I look like a venting hotline?
* Did you learn Whinese or is it your native tongue?
* Quit being a whiny butt. (One of my sons-in-law says this. Don't worry. I won't say which, John.)
* Your tunnel vision gives you I trouble too.
* Oh, I'm so sorry. My mind wandered for a moment there. I was thinking about the sermon on death and hell. Would you please repeat the part about your toenail fungus?
* Shall I call a WAHmbulance for you?
Now I realize we all have tendencies. Some are toward good things, but others are negative. I'm blessed with a naturally optimistic outlook. But on those days when everything has a blue cast I CHOOSE CHEER. On the flip side, I'm naturally drawn to food--too much, the wrong kinds, fast food. My struggle there may be harder than some folks, but I still CHOOSE what goes in my mouth, as surely as I choose what comes out!
Everyone has a reason to sing the blues now and then. Even Kermit the Frog. Well he sings the greens, but learns to cope with his feelings and spin them!
In griping about gripers here, I may have just crossed over to the dark side. I'm choosing now to go back to the Light, to praise, to not speak every negative thought but bring it into captivity, to pray for the mind of Christ to be in me.
But there's still a carnal part of me that wishes on Sunday, I could whip out some duct tape and slap it over Mrs. Thompson's mouth soon as she opens it! In a loving, Christian way of course. Bless her heart. (In the south duct tape fixes everything and you can get away with saying anything, if you anoint it with Bless your heart.)
The Gospel According to,
KJV - Kathy, just venting
Maybe Kermit can teach me a little about kindness!