THE POOL SHARK

"Hey!  You got plans for Friday night?" he asked, obviously flirting.

"No.  Whacha' got in mind?" she coyly purred.

"Maybe go bowling."

"Sounds good.  I love to bowl but I'm not all that good."

He flexed a bit and offered, "I can give you a few pointers.  Pick you up at 7?"

"OK.  See you then, " she smiled.

They bowled, snacked, laughed and he gave pointers but still beat her score by a wide margin.  Then he spotted the pool table.  "Say, wanna try your hand at pool?"

"Well. . ." she hesitated.  But he quickly reassured her that he'd give her a quick lesson in that too.  He was such a gentleman, protecting her fragile ego.  He was a manly man and she was very feminine and it was back in the day when that really mattered.  He patiently explained 8 ball and showed her how to rack the balls.  Then he shot the cue ball and put the 1 right into the pocket.  She smiled.  He strutted.

"Now sometimes you can bank a shot," he explained then demonstrated as the 2 ball slipped into the pocket.

"Good for you!"  she clapped.  He beamed but then missed the next shot.

"Let me show you how to chalk and hold the pool stick," he offered.  His strong arms enveloped hers as they both held the stick, taking a few practice strokes.  She lingered there.  It felt good having an excuse to be in his arms. "Now go ahead and give it a try," he encouraged her.

She shrugged as she knocked the cue ball perfectly and put the 3 into the side pocket.

He cheered her on as she went for the 4 ball.  He nearly danced for joy at her shocked expressed when she banked that one then nailed it too.  He gave her a pointer about hitting the 5 ball.  "You're such a good teacher!" she bragged to him. 

But when she sank the 5 ball, his smile sank too.  Skepticism swept his swagger away and he dared ask, "Say. . .you've played this before, haven't you?"

"Yeah.  We have a pool table at home in our basement.  My two brothers and I play all the time."

He smiled sheepishly.  The man's man might have been scared off by the girly girl but his ego wasn't that fragile.  So about a year later he asked, "Will you marry me?"

And I said yes.  True story.  But I don't remember playing pool with Doug since!

After I wrote this post, I found this later shot
 of Doug in our basement. I'd even written pool
shark over it.  Untrue!  'Twas I!

Flirting in the same place led to. . .

. . .our engagement a year later!  I wasn't bluffing after all!

THEY WALK AMONGST US!

A friend sent these to me.

Idiots on Parade NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy initial $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?' A) A Peanut B) An Elephant C) The Moon D) A Car Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she did not readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.' Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50.. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure. 'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans... 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.' Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant. 'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.' Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds. 'Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.' To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice. 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans. Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life. 'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see... I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.' Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath - and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.' Caution...they walk among us! --------------------- This one is equally unbelievable. What is George W. Bush's first name? Edmund?   DUH! They Walk Among Us! ---------------------------- Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a  sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.  He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.  So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'   The next day someone stole it! They walk amongst us! ------------------------------------- I stopped at McDonalds and ordered some fries. The girl behind the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" --------------------------------------     While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime. She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'  They Walk Among Us! ------------------------------- I was going out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!" I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned... They Walk Among Us ! -------------------------------  I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?" (I work with professionals like this.) They Walk Among Us! ------------------------------------------------

PREACHER GOOFS

Halfway through telling an old family story, I might ask the bored faces in the room, "Have I told you this one before?"  Eyes roll as they hold up 8 fingers.  It seldom stops me.  


At our Christmas family gathering Doug started telling about one Sunday morning when his dad, Paw Paw, was getting dressed for church.  Kent suddenly exclaimed, "I've NEVER heard this story!  I can't believe there's one we've not heard before."


Doug shared this in a past blog but here's a recap then 2 more stories!  He continued, "Mama was still asleep so Paw Paw dressed in the dark.  He'd go to church early to review his sermon.  He reached into the dresser, felt the silk handkerchief, tucked it into his coat pocket and tiptoed quietly out of their bedroom.


Dad preached hard and often worked up a sweat.  This day was no different so midway through his message, he reached into his pocket, as usual, for his handkerchief.  As he lifted it to wipe his brow, he shook it open and realized (as did the congregation) that it was a pair of Mama's underwear!  Now she was not a small woman.


The sermon was over at that moment, though Dad kept on preaching!"

STORY #2:
The conversation led to other preacher stories, some familiar, others not.  A college friend was preaching about Noah in the ark.  He came to the part where Noah opened the window to see if there was dry land.  He spoke with fervor, "So Noah flung open the window to take a. . ."  He was torn between two words: peek or look.  But what came from his mouth was, "Noah flung open the window to take a leak!"  That sermon ended early too, though church service did not.


STORY #3:
Another friend was preaching.  Point one was heaven, point two on hell and he began with an illustration.  Sidetracked in his story telling, he thought out loud, "Now where was I?  Oh! Hell!"  That sermon and service continued with rapt attention.

~   ~   ~

Sometimes the moment is actually caught on video these days.  I don't know this young preacher but feel his pain!
I bet Lot wished he'd never "pitched his tent" near Sodom and this guy wished he'd never preached on it!

TAKE A BREAK!