PAPA AND THANKSGIVING

Dad in his yard

Our house

So many Thanksgivings!  So many turkeys! So many family gatherings over the years!

They meld except for one particular time at Mama's house in Raleigh, NC.  We still had three kids at home and my folks lived down the street from us.  Our grandparents, Papa and Grandma Tippett, lived about 45 minutes away. So a large clan was coming.

We prepared the dinner together so I came to her house early.  "Mmmmm, smells good!"  Her kitchen always did but especially on Thanksgiving Day.

"Kathy, you know Papa doesn't like turkey.  Did you make him some chicken?"


"Not exactly. . ." I stalled.

"How do you not exactly cook chicken?"  Mama probed.

"I got a plan.  No chicken but another small platter.  I'll take some of your turkey and arrange it on a special plate to present to Papa."

"Uh-oh.  You're heading for trouble, Kathy," Mama warned, backing away from me and culpability.

Dad, skeptical, stayed a safe distance.

Every Tippett knew Papa didn't like turkey.  "Never tasted it but I know I wouldn't like it."  Maybe because he raised chickens but his picky tastes had never been tested.  Until this Thanksgiving.

Dinnertime filled the table with Tippetts and food, both overflowing.  After Daddy asked the blessing, he passed the turkey around.  I rose, went to the kitchen and came back with the special platter.  "And just for you, Papa, CHICKEN!" I proclaimed a bit too enthusiastically.  My dad watched as his dad took the plate from me.  When he speared the dark meat and took a mouthful, we watched without a word.  He chewed and chewed, finally swallowing.  We looked like a Normal Rockwell painting with only one moving person.

Papa peered at me, pursed his lips and squinted, "Kathy?  Did you cook this?"

"Yes sir," I gulped.

"Best chicken I ever tasted!" he declared.  Reprieved!  We all sighed and enjoyed the meal.  Papa even asked for seconds on the best chicken he ever ate!

He's in heaven now with Mom and Dad.  Did we ever tell him?  Absolutely not!  And I hope some truths are not known even in glory!

Thankfully,
Kathy
Pictured below are other family times.

Family Christmas at folks'

                                  

                                        Papa was a cock-fighter!  Wyatt Whitaker was his cohort in violence.

Papa Tippett

          

Daddy

Mom and Dad with Katy at our house

Gwen and me with Papa

Grandma stealing sugar from Papa

WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

AVOID CLICHES LIKE THE PLAGUE!

Tips for Proper English

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Avoid unnecessary redundancy; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't use no double negatives.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.  (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Don't abbrev.

40. Avoid courses from the Redundancy School of Redundancy.

41. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.

42. About sentence fragments.

43. Just between you and I, case is important.

44. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.

45. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.

46. Its important to use apostrophe's right.

47. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period

48. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.

49. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.

50. Profanity sucks.

51. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague. They're old-hat; seek viable alternatives rather than same old-same old.

ANOTHER ONE OF OUR GIRLS GOES WILD

This is a follow up story from last week's blog, SHOPPING CONTESTS.  (This will make more sense if you scroll down and read it first.)  My niece, Christine Tippett Ellis, wrote this letter to me after reading and relating to our shopping adventures.

Hey Aunt Kathy!

Loved the shopping blog! I think I got that gene, too. In fact, I just had to share a recent shopping story…

Claire and I were at “Macy’s” a few days after coming back to the States (which to our church ladies in Honduras is code word for “Goodwill”! haha).

 I found some nice, sensible brown shoes for her at just $2.49 

Then, Claire found some that SHE liked…since they were just $2.49, I conceded, even though they were horribly gaudy with sparkles, loud colors, and bling. I thought she could just wear them for playing around the house and keep her “good tennis shoes” looking nicer. As if they weren’t gaudy enough, I discovered when we got to the car, that they light up, too!

After a few weeks, I started seeing those same gaudy tennis shoes on little girls all over town! Come to find out, they are the latest fad! A friend told me her daughter begged for “Sketchers Twinkle Toes,” as they are called, for weeks and finally got some for her birthday—for $40!!!  When that little girl saw Claire’s she said, “Wow! You have Twinkle Toes, too! And yours light up! Those are $10 more!”

So Claire is walking around with fancy tennis shoes, due to two Tippett genes she inherited (the one for sniffing out bargains, and the one attracted to shiny objects!)

   

I thought you’d enjoy seeing our finds…

Love ya,

Christine

Read more about Claire on her mother's blog:
http://www.realmissionsreallife.blogspot.com/

SHOPPING CONTESTS

My daughters, Kimberly and Katy, love to go shopping with me. It began in their teen years and even now is part of our vacation times together. We plan it, strategize the shortest routes, best bargains, and even how to work in a stop at Cold Stone or Starbucks.

Our favorite part of the event, however, has nothing to do with bargains or actual shopping. We have contests. It began in hat departments back when there were hat departments. It goes something like this:

Kimberly or Katy walks to a rack of hats. I station myself at another rack.

Someone says, "One, two three, GO!" We each grab the most hideous millinery we can spot, don it and wait to vote on who found the worst hat.

We were laughing a bit too loudly one shopping contest day in Belks when a clerk asked us in a chilly tone, "Are you ladies looking for hats?"

Respectfully one of my girls giggled our confession, "No ma'am. We're just laughing at them."

We were asked to leave.

Recently I had my grandson, Caleb, in a shopping cart. His mom, Katy, was trying on clothes. So he and I entertained ourselves trying on hats and sunglasses. We rolled down to her aisle and she cracked up at me and mini-me in Jackie O sunglasses, ball caps and straw beach hats!

The general decline in the hat market and being ushered out of classy stores made our excursions difficult. It still works occasionally in certain stores just before Easter. But we're resourceful, creative women so all this simply drove us to another venue and version.

THRIFT STORES! Now there's a resource for outlandish garments that remains despite the economy and fashion. It contains a rich history of tacky to hilarious garments.

Once again we position ourselves one aisle apart and start the countdown. On three we hold up our ugliest skirt or blouse, vote with thumbs up or down on who wins the round for worst dress. Not worst dressed.

Sometimes our shopping contests turn to hunts and we actually find some gorgeous things. Kimberly found a beautiful Liz Claiborne shift for under $4! It looked brand new and fit her like a glove. That same day between shopping and tacky contests she needed to use the restroom so we found it in Goodwill. As I waited in the lobby between the men's and women's rooms for her, a man came up, waiting while his wife shopped. We chatted about nothing.

Still in a playful mood I asked him if he'd play a trick on Kimberly with me. He smiled sheepishly but had a glint in his eye that said, "Yes."

So I enlisted him, explaining my idea. As planned, I flung open the door to the ladies room and right on cue he hollered to Kimberly in the stall, "Hey, lady! This is the MEN'S ROOM!"

When she came out, he quickly pointed the finger at me. "Oh, sir, I knew my mama was behind it. Don't worry."

At the checkout counter he was in line with his wife just ahead of us. He smiled but said nothing about our adventure from minutes prior. Just as they walked away I touched his wife's arm and whispered, "I-I hate to say anything but you ought to know. Your husband was just in the LADIES ROOM harassing my daughter!"

She turned white, jaw dropped, looked at her husband, who looked every bit guilty, sputtered but couldn't deny nor explain it quickly enough.

So I did.

We all had a great laugh. So did the clerks. They welcomed us back. I guess it all depends on where you shop as to your "Return" policy!

They certainly know how to create:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the one who has supported my shopping habit for over 40 years now!  I love you, Doug!  I shopped for quality and got you.  You knew I was half-off and couldn't resist a bargain!

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!

Kathy